Why are you putting ice cubes into wine?
Because I believe in freedom, poor decision-making, and proper temperature control.
So, really, why should I Chill That Shit?
Cuz I say so, that’s why. Y’all out here actin’ like a bottle of Bordeaux is a newborn baby that needs swaddlin’ and whispered to. Meanwhile I’m tossin’ that fancy French juice in a dollar-store can cooler next to the hot dogs and baked beans.
You paid three hundred dollars for that bottle? Well bless your heart. It still gets warm in the sun.
Chill that shit, dummy.
What smart people sound like:
What kind of cube are we talkin’?
The big bastard. The kind that enters the glass like a home invasion.
So this means, size matters?
You bet your drunk-bachelorette-on-a-Saturday-morning-in-Vegas ass it does.
Listen, in this line of work, cube size is character.
You come at me with them sad little refrigerator pebbles, I’m gonna assume you also clap when the plane lands and think ketchup is “spicy.” I want a cube so big it looks like it came off an iceberg.
Won’t that water it down?
Eventually, yes.
But so will your tears from drinkin’ overheated Cabernet like it sat on a damn radiator.
The key is to drink faster.
That’s what professionals call strategy.What would you do to a bottle of Château Cheval Blanc?
Things that would get me banned from three tasting rooms and one county fair.
Is this about flavor or chaos?
Yes.